THE JOURNAL
Barry Keoghan in Saltburn (2023)
The busiest time of the year is undoubtedly the most fun, with countless soirees to attend and endless outfits to swish around in. However, the social swing of December can, on occasion, become something of a chore. So, how do you perfect the art of party attending? Here, the world’s most seasoned event givers and goers garnish us with their infallible tips for being the most sparkling guest at any celebration.
01.
Dress up
“It’s always better to err on the side of formality, especially when you’re over 35,” says New York’s partygoer-in-chief Zachary Weiss, who favours Ralph Lauren Purple Label and Thom Sweeney. “It’s a losing game to try to be the cool, young, hip guest, so I usually try to be the one that’s slightly more buttoned up than the rest of my fellow partygoers.”
02.
Avoid overcommitting
“You really need to pick your party appropriately – if you’re invited to five, choose two that you really want to go to,” says Fran Cutler, the queen of brands, director of business and liaison to the stars. Weiss agrees: “If you’re committed to attending a party, try to make it one of your only stops for the night, so you can settle in and enjoy the company. Flitting in and out is a fool’s errand.”
03.
Embrace the novelty of a tie (but never a novelty tie)
“I like to throw in some irreverent touches so that I don’t look stuffy,” Weiss says. “This can be achieved with pops of colour or pattern, or, my favourite, a cheeky tie.” But take note: foppish accessories work best when they’re styled to look elegant rather than cartoonish. Try a classic four-in-hand nipped tight at the collar with a silk shirt and wide lapelled jacket, or a bow tie with a classic dress shirt and velvet blazer.
04.
Don’t overanalyse
Party season has the potential to give rise to certain social anxieties that lie dormant at other times of the year. “Try not to create a virtual reality movie in your head of how the night will be, based on your anxieties,” says the psychologist Nadia Al-Khudhairy. “Just because you think someone doesn’t like you or you think they think that you’re boring them, does not make it true.”
05.
Build your outfit around a statement item
“Consider having one standout outfit – or garment – in your arsenal,” says Jack Guinness, the author of The Queer Bible and brand director of Gay Star News. “But there’s also absolutely no shame in donning a timeless, understated look and jazzing it up with accessories.”
06.
Find the right wingman… or go it alone
“The best wingman (or woman) is a social chameleon who isn’t fazed by anything,” says the writer and creative consultant Michael Hennegan. “Take them anywhere, leave them anywhere – they’ll be fine. Neediness is a no-no.
“If you’re at a party solo, try to speak to someone at the bar,” Hennegan adds. “It’s somehow [less intimidating] to make small talk when you and the object of your social interest are focused on a shared task – in this case, ordering a drink.”
07.
Opt for fancy footwear
“Always wear fantastic shoes – even if they’re painful,” the ballet dancer Eric Underwood says. “My trick to making it through a lunch or dinner party unscathed is to slip your foot out of the shoes beneath the table, where no one can see them. You’ll already have been photographed, so there’s nothing lost by giving your feet a chance to breathe.”
08.
Don’t turn your nose up
A wine snob is not the partygoer you want to be. “If you’re attending a party as a guest, never be someone who comes with a preference of wine or spirits,” Weiss says. “A gracious guest should never look a gift horse in the mouth.”
09.
Make time for a manicure
“When wearing jewellery and statement watches to parties, all eyes are on hands,” says the stylist Gareth Scourfield. Pre-party, head out for a manicure with treatment mask to get your hands in going-out-gear. “And be sure to apply hand cream over an hour before heading out, so you give it time to absorb and avoid any clamminess,” Scourfield says.
10.
Try sobriety on for size, or at least pace yourself
“As a non-drinker, you’re always going to be sharper and more quick-witted than most of the other people in the room after two drinks,” says the luxury PR James Massey. “I always tell people that I’m not drinking if they ask, but I don’t volunteer it pro-actively as it makes me sound like some sort of anti-alcohol crusader.”
“December is a marathon, not a sprint,” Hennegan says. “You don’t have to go all-in at every event.” Guinness agrees: “I know it might sound very un-British, but maybe, just maybe, this year you could skip the grand spectacle of getting plastered and telling your boss what you really think of them.”
11.
Steer clear of energy vampires and mingle
“Avoid those who suck the energy out of the room or bear grudges against other guests,” says Malcolm Carfrae, the mastermind behind some of New York’s biggest parties. “And don’t get stuck talking to your bestie or a person who doesn’t know anyone else. Work the room and step in and out of conversations with witty remarks. It’s a great opportunity to meet some impressive people that you might want to get to know better.”
12.
Hit the dancefloor
“Even if you’re a terrible dancer, don’t worry,” Underwood says. “Just own it and join in with confidence. The doubt you’ll convey at the party by dancing timidly, or not dancing at all, will be more noticeable than any bad dancing ever would – trust me.”
13.
Ask questions
Brian Tracy, the author of The Power Of Charm, writes: “You’ll discover you can communicate more deeply with a person in a few minutes by asking questions and listening closely to the answers than you could in several weeks by talking all the time.” Providing people with an opportunity to talk about themselves will usually pay social dividends.
“I try at all costs to avoid the question: ‘What do you do?’,” Weiss says. “It’s often a veiled way of saying “Why should you matter to me?” If you speak to anyone long enough, their profession will come up in some form or another. Instead, I try to focus on fun and frivolous things – outfit details, why you’re all there and light topical fare from the gossip pages.” And Massey says, “a compliment goes a long way. Just don’t overdo it or it’ll seem weird.”
14.
Get your beauty sleep
During the party onslaught, a full eight hours can be the difference between glowing and crepey-skin. “And when you’re really dashing about, napping is king,” says top party host Henry Conway. “Take naps in 20-minute cycles – I normally do 20 or 40 mins. It’s not an indulgence, it’s survival…”
15.
Embrace the French exit
“Don’t be afraid of bailing early – be a good guest for the time you’re there and then make a French exit,” Hennegan says. And when it comes to the timing of your departure, follow Hennegan’s golden rule: “Never arrive at a party less than half an hour after it began, and never leave less than half an hour before the end.”