Worried you’re not acting your age? Follow the advice of The Adulting School and you can finally grow up.

The dictionary definition of an “adult” is an organism or person who has grown to full size and strength. Happily, this will include a lot of MR PORTER readers. Well done, us.

But how many of us can say that we are adults in the wider, more practical sense of the word? How many of us manage our finances in a sensible manner – ie, save for pensions and emergencies (and not just blow it all on, ahem, clothes)? Or know how to change a car tyre? The novelty of these skills means “adult” is now jokily used as a verb. Doing your own taxes, for example, means you’re “adulting”.

So lacking are these skills among young adults that The Adulting School, which teaches basic life skills, opened in Portland, Oregon, to great success last year. “My co-founder Rachel Weinstein was working as a therapist and realised that a lot of young adults coming into her practice were missing life skills, especially around household chores and budgeting, which was causing them to feel stressed out and isolated,” says co-founder of The Adulting School, Ms Katie Brunelle. In short, not knowing how to “adult” causes problems (messy house, bad health, bankruptcy), which in turn make you miserable.

“One of the things we’ve done is create a community via private Facebook groups. We condense lessons into bite-size pieces of information and provide a spreadsheet with all the tasks, which you can download. It lets students ask questions and consult teachers directly, and also encourage each other,” says Ms Brunelle

The school teaches four main topics: finances, health and wellness, relationships and community, and make it/fix it (basic DIY). Master these and you’ll be ready to call yourself an adult in both senses of the word.

“Lots of young adults are graduating with debt, and ask, ‘How do we pay off debt without a large income? How do we pay off debt and save at the same time?’” says Ms Brunelle.

“You need to have a budget. Many young adults don’t know what that means. It’s not about saying to yourself, ‘How much do I have and where can I spend it?’ You need to learn how to structure a budget and follow it, and not think, ‘My pay cheque is $1,200 – how can I spend it all? What can I spend it on?’”

First, you need to allocate money to bills and other necessary items, which Ms Brunelle calls “telling your money what to do”. This includes putting some of it into a savings account, investments and a pension. Once all of that’s done, you can do the fun stuff, or what Ms Brunelle calls “taking your money on a date”, such as out for dinner in a restaurant.

“Buying nutritious foods that are inexpensive is a skill,” says Ms Brunelle. “We help to navigate the grocery store. If you just walk up and down the aisles you won’t see any of the healthy choices, just the fun stuff. In America, prepackaged snacks are in the aisles, while fresh meat, fish and vegetables are around the perimeter. We also teach how to prepare meals from scratch out of items you typically find in your fridge or store cupboard.

“With the wellness part of the course, we teach prevention rather than cure. We offer wellness tips around areas like sleep, exercise and prevention of illnesses. Just doing the basic things, like exercising regularly and practising meditation, in order to feel well and keep stress down. Keeping yourself in good health both physically and mentally is part of living a balanced, successful adult life.”

“The level of choice has increased,” says Ms Brunelle. “There are now overwhelming levels of choice at all levels of society, including our relationships. It’s overwhelming. We need to learn how to bust the fairytale, love the one you’re with, and get rid of unrealistic expectations in relationships. How do we create long-lasting romantic relationships instead of constantly trying to find something better?”

Some of what the Adulting School teaches is based on the book Modern Romance by Mr Asiz Ansari. “What happens when you lose that initial feeling? Can you have that for ever? How much work should you put in? What does that work mean? Everyone changes and it’s about respecting that the other person is changing, and growing with them. Being respectful towards one another and making decisions together. Encouraging each other so that it’s fair for everyone.”

Lots of young people do not have the basic DIY and home skills that can help them save time and money, and also increase their general wellbeing and safety. “We teach the proper way to fold sheets so that they fit in the drawer under your bed,” says Ms Brunelle. Other key skills include “sewing your own button instead of taking it to a tailor, keeping a clean and organised home, fixing things as they break instead of throwing them away, replacing your smoke detector batteries, hanging a picture on the wall (in the correct way), fixing a hole in the wall, car maintenance: changing a tyre, putting air in the tyres, when to keep it registered/inspected and when to take it for an oil change.”

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