The hair styles, tactics and formations of famous footballers of the Premier League and La Liga.

Consider what it takes to be a professional footballer. The platitudes about dedication are difficult to grasp when you remember Mr Wayne Rooney earns more in a day than the average British person does in a year. But think about what he had to do to get there. During those teen years when our minds were mangled by hormones, hedonism and Hooch, today's players had their eyes on the prize, living lives of abnormal abstinence. It’s a phenomenal sacrifice and, as a result, footballers are both stunted and making up for a lost adolescence. They still need to live like monks (although Mr Rooney does appear to enjoy the odd drink) and their outlets for self-expression are limited by their professional responsibilities. This is a roundabout way of saying be forgiving about their haircut choices. Here’s an overview of the dominant football hair trends of the moment, as we steel ourselves for the the new football season.

Popularised by godlike Mr Lionel Messi of Barcelona in a rare moment of fallibility, promptly copied by everyone from Mr Marouane Fellaini to Mr Aaron Ramsey with wildly mixed results. With an eye on Instagram and a desire to confuse commentators, the bottle blond job is an inelegant way of making a statement. That statement is “I had a very nice time on my summer holiday in Dubai”. Mr Messi’s now former Barcelona team-mate Neymar went a step further by attempting to bring back NSYNC-style frosted tips. No one came out of that experiment well.

Manchester United broke the world transfer record last year for Mr Paul Pogba, spending around £90m on a player they’d carelessly allowed to leave for nothing only four years before. As if this modern morality tale weren’t enough to cement Mr Pogba’s status as harbinger of football’s impending self-inflicted apocalypse, here’s a selection of some of the things he’s had shaved into the side of his head since deciding to use it as self-promotional advertising space: his surname, his personal logo, leopard print, zebra stripes, a star, a Poké Ball and the Batman logo. Careless.

You know this one. Closely cropped back and sides, an immaculately groomed sweep on top, seen in high-street bars from Newcastle to Newton Abbott. Mr Roberto Firmino of Liverpool, a man of many haircuts, has had spells of passing for an estate agent from Colchester who heroically finds space in his heart for both grooming products and great banter. A haircut that says, “I’m just like you, really. No, that doesn’t mean you can have a selfie.”

Hanging on to hipster values at least three years after it was acceptable, there is, at least, a practical purpose for going full Croydon facelift if you’re a professional footballer. However carefree it might look for Mr Gareth Bale to be galloping down the wing for Real Madrid with his proud Welsh mane running free, having hair in the eyes is hardly going to help his cross-completion percentage. On such fine margins are Champions League-winning campaigns built.

Short, featureless, probably aerodynamic, there’s nothing to see here. Mr Eden Hazard of Chelsea is among those eschewing the frippery enjoyed by many of his peers and going for a haircut with no defining features. A bold move in its dullness, and one which gives the impression of concentrating on actually trying to win football matches rather than trying to look cooler than that upstart new signing who arrived at training with a slightly better Ferrari than you. Mr Hazard won the league last year. Take note, more or less everyone else.

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